Riiight, like I would be with anyone so stupid. However, I had an experience that made me think about this idea and our collective outrage at anyone so mean, rude, hurtful and just plain stupid as to call a woman FAT!
An acquaintance of mine, I'll call her Irene because I don't know anyone named Irene, and I were talking about all kinds of worthless things. Now, Irene is a smart, successful and very dedicated woman. She is also a highly-awarded athlete! She is pretty, fit and very active. During our conversation, I mentioned something funny Kyle said regarding me not working out, or eating something crappy because we were / are trying very hard to be healthy. We have always been somewhat healthy, but we really kicked it into high gear. I can't remember exactly what my amazing hubby said, but it was something like, "You shouldn't have had that donut at the office. You better go to the gym tonight," or something. Irene looked at me surprised when I told her about the silly comment. Her reply was something like "Really?" with a look that didn't need any explanation. By Kyle saying whatever he did to me, he apparently had crossed into the realm of calling me fat!
I need encouragement. We all do. My two favorite things to do are eat delicious food (not CRAP food, I mean food worth eating) and sleep. I love my bed and snuggling with my dogs and hubby on a cold rainy day in my bed, only getting up to eat. So, obviously, I need encouragement! I wanted to get in shape and be healthier. That was what I, me, Katy, wanted. Kyle simply knew how to not let me fail. He used the same techniques I had used on him (more on that later). But why is it SO terrible for a husband to encourage his wife in something she wants? I want to run a 1/2 marathon and if Kyle DOESN'T annoy the crap out of me until I run out of the house just to get away from him, I will be upset. Why is this so terrible?
Like I said, I taught him how to do it. Kyle went to flight school. Oh, and it was so simple!!! What could possibly be hard about a 24-year-old college drop-out, bartender making a lot of money, getting motivated to go to flight school? It took probably eight - twelve months of nagging (I'll call it what it was) for him to finally get there. Time was spent by me searching school options, him calling several places, then losing interest, then finding it again, looking into loan options once he found a school, filling out paperwork, and more paperwork; then came the actual school!
Why is it not just acceptable, but acknowledged and awarded for me to annoy the living S*** out of him to go back to school, but he is an evil, controlling husband who is trying to tell me I'm not pretty enough when he makes me regret the F****ing donut I didn't want anyway? I want him to encourage me to be the best version of myself and that includes health!! Why shouldn't it?
It does! I encouraged him to quit smoking! WOW - talk about a weird social double-standard. A vice that will kill you - smoking and obesity (bad eating habits mixed with sedentary lifestyle). We make smokers drive three miles to smoke a cigarette during work hours, charge them more for healthcare, don't allow them anywhere in public, and yet on Friday's I find 25 boxes of Dunkin Donuts around the office (the culprit of this terrible donut of my story). Kyle quit smoking after several attempts. I encouraged him, I hounded him, I guilted him (you spent enough on cigarettes that we could have gone to - insert nice resort in Hawaii here - in six months?!?). But if Kyle tries to keep me accountable for my fitness goals, he is what is wrong with men!
Now, I know Irene didn't say this is what she thought of Kyle. But it was written all over her face. And you know what, six months ago I would've had the same expression had I been listening to the story. But why? Why do we (all of us) complain about our health and try crazy diets and envy the skinny girl and hate ourselves the moment we order the cheesy fries with bacon, but yet we don't want anyone to encourage us and hold us accountable? Why, sorry ladies, do women in particular shoot down and punish our #1 fan and supporter the minute he tries to keep us on track to OUR OWN GOALS?
I never once take Kyle's comments the wrong way and always defend them. I told Irene I wanted him to keep on me so I reach my goals. That is what married couples, friends and family member do - we encourage each other because we love that person and want them to be successful in school, diets, exercise, quitting smoking, saving money...whatever! But we have to stop be afraid to give the encouragement and not be angry to receive it.
I'm going to eat another donut. It is going to happen. And when it does, Kyle will let me know he expects me to have some restrain, and that I will regret it (which I will). But, I will tell him how well I've done the past few days on my workouts and diet, and how I'm going running later. He will smile (cuz he loves me and knows I can't tell a lie - even about working out), and then he will order two glazed donuts to eat next to me.
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